Santa, Gift Giving, Controversy, oh my! :-)

SANTA + Gift Giving

I’ll start by saying I know this post will inevitably be controversial and have lots of opinions. I welcome all perspectives and truly, truly mean it when I say, you DO YOU! Parenting is not supposed to feel so heavy and burdensome or like we are “doing it all wrong” or we are “getting it all right.” I fundamentally feel it’s about finding a rhythm that feels right for your family and then committing to those values and staying the course, refining where necessary. I’ve personally found a rhythm that serves my family well and have loved sharing it with you in case you too are seeking a lighter mental load in your motherhood.

A big part of my journey in seeking out minimalism and simplicity is rooted in my own anxiety and recognizing it’s heaviness around having too much stuff! Simply put, having an overwhelming amount of children’s toys stresses me out and creates a feeling that goes against one of the key areas I strive for in my home: simplicity. I will create more content geared around my journey to minimalism, the value I find in simple capsule wardrobes, and the nerdy stuff - the brain research behind children acquiring too much toys. For today, however, I just want to share my perspective on Santa, gift-giving and living this holiday season with intention.

I’ll start by saying that we DO indeed do “Santa” in our home. However;

Santa is not our source of behavior management: I so deeply believe that children’s behavior is a factor of their environment and external reinforcement (hello, SIMPLY JOYFUL was created on this very premise). As such, I don’t believe in “if you do this…then Santa might bring you this.” Santa, or external motivation is NOT the behavior management system that I know to be true in bringing about positive behavior and developing children’s intrinsic motivation. Yes, I have been known to bribe my children with skittles to get them in the car so we are not late for yet another appointment. I do it because i KNOW it will produce results immediately but i ALSO know that the messaging I’m sending is not sustainable or going to serve my children for the long-run. Do I still do it sometimes? Yes! Do I also sometimes feed my children a donut right before bedtime? Yes. Again, perfection isn’t the goal here…it’s INTENTION.

Santa is not our only source of magic: Now, I remember growing up and going to my grandmother’s house for Christmas morning where the gifts would be stacked to the ceiling for all of the cousins and grandchildren to open. It was some of my fondest memories. But I also knew from a very very young age that Santa was my DAD, and I knew how very hard he worked to provide that one special gift I would receive. I think it’s important for children (of all socio-economic backgrounds) to know the value of gift-giving and appreciate the time and resources that went into obtaining it. There’s an appropriate age and stage for this introduction but I think setting the foundation when children are young is the key here.

As such, we have decided to give TWO gifts this year. 1 from Santa and 1 from Mom and Dad (we’ve pared this down from years past where we’ve done the 4 gift guide of “something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read.” Books and items of necessity are staples in our home so we’ve modified it to just two gifts this year. Our kids will still receive gifts from family and friends and we welcome those! We try not to monitor those because gift-giving is a love language that many of our family members look forward to and we try not to take away that joy for them.

Santa will give a front-loaded toy: these are toys that usually bring an overwhelming excitement and instant gratification (for my son, this year, it’s a battery operated toy that I know will presumably be donated or sold in a few months time - but I’m OK with this because its not excessive and overwhelming).

Mom/Dad will give a back-loaded toy: these are toys that usually are “cool enough” but not the first thing played with on Christmas morning. Some examples for preschoolers are magnatiles, wooden blocks, animal figurines, arts and craft material, playsilks, etc.

Grandparents/Aunts and Uncles are free to give whatever they desire. I sometimes have to reign in one or two members, but, for the most part, I try to embrace the season of giving because I know the joy it brings for others as well. BUT, I stay focused on what I CAN control and that’s Santa and our role in gift-giving and the messaging we are creating. I truly hope the tone of this post is authentic and nonjudgemental. I can send you all hundreds of pictures of what my garage has looked like over the last 4 years of having children if you ever feel like I’m coming from a place of perfection. Quite the opposite. I’m coming from a place of, “holy crap I was deeply overwhelmed with material objects and it was sucking the joy (and time) out of my motherhood and i wanted to change that! “

And I’ll say this again and again and again, a happy mom is the BEST GIFT you can give your children!

xoxox

Rooting for you, Mama!